I just finished reading my last entry and all I can say is "Damn that herb can really make your mind go where it never has before." I mean, I understand what I'm talking about in the entry, but I sound like in the middle of a conspiracy theory.

So Friday was dead as all shit at Boozers. That's all I have to say about that.

Saturday was the Private party at Shelter Rock. The DJ company did an amazing job. I got in touch with them and we're gonna see what can be worked out, either me working with them or if they can find me some gigs and supply me with the dancers and stuff. The party ended late so I stayed with Sal, Benny and Chris at Shelter Rock. They were gonna sleep over until the next morning cuz they all had to work early. We watched Futurama and The Frighteners. Sal made a ton of Chicken Nuggets for us in the deep fryer. Haha.

Sunday night I met up with Armando and then drove up to the heights to find Rene and Irene. We dropped her off and were gonna go to the Tubby Hook Cafe. However we decided on Boozers instead, so I could learn how to make a Manhattan for Rene. I also made a Tequila Sunrise for Armando. Fernando didn't feel like coming out last night, and Cindy was sick, so it was just the three of us all night. Well actually, Will, Danielle, Jess, Rob, Anthony, Christie, and some others were there with us as well. They really are a cool bunch of people.

Then Heather and I had a bad feeling when these guys walked into the bar last night, we thought they were gonna cause trouble. They ordered white russians but we didn't have milk so they left. There was something weird about those guys because my sixth sense went nuts and Heather almost threw up. Weird shit man.

Took the guys home around midnight. Chilled with Rene on 82nd street eating Pizza till like 1:30 in the morning.

I'm going down to Boozers tonight since it's Marina's birthday. I'm sure she's gonna drink either Stoli & Cranberry's all night or Lemon Drops. Probably both. So I'm gonna help Heather bartend again tonight.

I haven't eaten anything all day, so I'm gonna go eat now.

Something doesn't feel right. I'm not sure why, but it just doesn't. There's more to meets the eye at this point in my life. Sometimes I wonder if It's possible that I'm so dillusional that I have created my own reality and see things the way I want to see them. The mind is so complex and poorly understood organ that I wouldn't be surprised. For instance, I used to wonder if everyone saw the color red the same way. What I see as red might really be what my brother wpuld see as blue. But we'd both call it red because all our lives we've been accustomed to calling it that. But if I were to jump into his body and see it, it would be blue. Am I making sense anyone? Well what if we all live in our own realities, where we controlled memories and emotions to suit our own purposes. Things would be so different if that were so, because reality wouldn't really be, well... real.

In any case, somethings up. Maybe it's not that deep, but maybe my perception and judgements have been impaired. I don't feel like the people I normally used to trust are always as trustworthy as I seem to think. People who have either been out of my normal circle seem more appealing, more trustworthy, more down to earth, more... real. The regulars sometimes seem so shady and deceptive that it sickens me. Everyone has they're own agenda these days. But I'm not one to complain because I times I do to. It could be me... and not everyone else, that would make more sense. But then I'd be crazy. Hmmm. It is possible. I'm just very paranoid lately... Very. I have this obsessive compulsion to always know things.... if something I want to know is under lock and key it drives me insane. I can't stand secrets. Maybe it's egocentric of me to think so, but I get the feeling like the situation may be manipulated by another party in order to affect me in a non-beneficial manner. Not necessarily to hurt me, per say, but affect me. That's the reason I stayed on the line with Fernando and Cindy before I moved to Florida and heard their real opinions. It's the reason I broke into Amy's e-mail when we were together. It's why I bugged my computer down in Florida and found out what I didn't want to confirm. But then... when this paranoic feeling sets in.... I'm usually right. Could it just be that somethings going on, and my "sixth sense" (if you will) is kicking in again? Or then again, we have the possibility that I am just crazy, or that everything I'm imagining isn't real. Maybe nobody I know exists. Maybe nothing I thought I knew was truth. Well it'd make a good movie at least. Well... that depends on if what I have come to know as movies really exist. Ok. Now I officially hahve a headache.

I've changed so much over the past few months. I have gone from a semi-introverted personality and drastically taken my personality to the other side of the spectrum. I make friends everywhere I go. I speak to strangers without pause. I no longer have a fear of public speaking. I am not so damned self-conscious anymore. I care about my appearance now, but in a positive way, not as negatively as before. I care about losing weight and want to do something about it now instead of just hating myself. I care about the clothes I wear and am developing a new sense of style and changing my wardrobe. Girls really don't intimidate me any longer, and I can freely spark a conversation up with a person of either sex with ease. Maybe now that I have finally broken out of my box, I have realized that there's more than what I have confined myself to for so many years. Different ways to have fun, different trains of thought, different ideas about everything, different opinions, different tastes, different lifestyles, different and diverse people. I am no longer content with a one-track lifestyle. I don't even know what I mean by all this. It's just wht is coming to mind. So often I use this journal as a mere record keeper. I jot down exactly what I did. But never what I thought or am thinking.

Unlike many people I know, I want to embrace everything and everyone into my life. There's no reason to fear a friendship, no reason to fear an outcome, no reason to fear others opinions or even death itself. Death is an eventuality that we will all have to encounter at some point. Death is just another part of life, and without it, then there isn't life. Just like there must be a balance between good and evil, moreso with death and life. Life is nothing with out death. It is the thought deep down in our minds that there is only a certain amount of time on this earth that drives us to do something with our lives. Maybe I have finally accepted that refraining from things I really want to do will only hurt me in the long run.

The past week has been a busy one indeed. DJing friday night, clubbing on Saturday (where I met the most adorable Colombian girl ever... more about her at a later time), and then work at Economy and Shelter Rock and Last Call. I began training on Monday for bartending at the bar. EMT classes have gotten more intense and now I find myself having to study the textbook or be totally lost. At least I have time for it now.

Chris, Benny, Sal, and I have gotten closer. They're a cool gang. Greg, the bartender from Shelter Rock is supposed to come down to Last Call tonight to hang and see if he can work himself into a job at the bar.

I'm going to get dressed and head out now. My sixth sense is going wild and I don't know whether to just go with the flow or be on guard anymore. I'm probably just crazy, and in the end that might be the better choice. I'll update about my week (and Tatiana) in detail later.

Doc Out.

So today was the third day of class. As of Tuesday, I'll be CPR certified in the State of New York. I love it so far, the instructors are great and I cannot wait until I am officially an EMT.

Had a hard day at Economomy today, a lot of manual labor, it's been that way for the past few weeks. Fernando has been going at it a lot stronger than I. It's impressive how disciplined he can be when it comes to jobs like that. I think he's more cut out for a job like that than a desk job.

Cindy and I went to Boozer's after class (since it's only like 10 blocks away) and it was really packed. Kim knows us well, we walked in and without saying anything, there was a shot of tequila for cindy, and a shot of Jack for me waiting on the bar before we sat down. I invented a new drink called Jose's Crown. It's a Corona with a double shot of Cuervo in it. It was a hit with the people around us.

So I didn't keep my promise to Mel about going to Spirit. It's ok though, because she went to go see Bombay Dreams tonight. I really envy her right now. LOL.

So as we were leaving, Luis called me and said he saw me driving away, so I came back to the bar. Greg was there too along with some other friends of theirs. It was hilarious, they walked in and left like 30 seocnds later. They didn't like the crowd.

I hung out outside with Nick for a while, when this really cute white girl named Nikki asked me for a cigarette. We started talking and she's coming back tomorrow since we're spinning tomorrow night. She gave me her number. Yeah baby. Hee hee. She goes to chool at St. John's, so she'll be a regular on the weekends. She lives out in Long Island so that's cool too. Her friend told me he knows someone with a DJ company out in Long Island, so he offered to hook me up with steady work. That would be awesome because I really would love to DJ more often.

I called Shelter Rock today, and I may work there through the winter until I get certified and hired by an ambulance company or the FDNY. That should be cool.

It's 1:30 now, and I HAVE to be at work early tomorrow. I'm gonna get some sleep now. I'm excited about tomorrow, I'll be chilling, Djing, and meeting up with Nikki.

So I enrolled in EMT Basic Training today. We learned Rescue Breathing and CPR. They had us practice several techniques and we used a bag valve mask (BVM) instead of mouth-to-mouth, since that's what we'll be using on the ambulance.

I'm a little upset at Aramndo, he's in Massachussetts still and won't be coming back to town in time to enroll. He can't anyway because he hasn't obtained his GED yet. I feel like the boys' father sometimes. He needs to do something already.

The classes are going to run through December, and out State Exam is on December 16th. I'm excited about the job and Luis said I can come over whenever I want and shit so he can teach me shit.

Cindy is taking the course too! It's weird, but hot at the same time.

We'll be Djing at Last Call this Sunday. That should be fun.

I took Shaggy to work with me today. Everyone always loves it when he comes to visit.

Rene stopped by in his police cadet uniform today. Soon we'll both be wearing civil service uniforms. We told Fern he should become a firefighter. That's would be hiliarious.

Hung out with Dre and Dom today. It's a bit refreshing to hang out with those younger kids once in a while.

I gotta get some sleep, got work and training tomorrow.