Tuesday, November 23, 2004
Rain, Cigarettes, Ice, and Roses
It was about a quarter to nine on Saturday night. I climbed the worn and dirty steps leading out of the Second Avenue Subway station onto Houston Street. The rain wasn't coming down too hard, but still it was enough to warrant an umbrella.
I turned the corner on First Avenue and headed north towards Sixth Street. I don't like the rain much, but even the rain could not put a damper on my night out in Manhattan. I love being in Manhattan, something about the hustle and bustle, the magnitude of it all, the diversity... I love it.
I was to meet up with Melissa, Cheryl, and the cast from "Aloha, Say All The Pretty Girls" at an Indian Restaurant between 5th and 6th. There were three restaurants literally on top of each other. Which one could it be?
A short Indian man in a suit an tie wearing a grey cabbie hat approached me and insisted I enter the restaurant named Royal. After politely informing him that I was waiting to rendez-vous with some friends of mine, he persisted to insist, and I found myself having to resist introducing him to my fist. I walked a few feet away and recognized Melanie, one of Melissa's friends approaching. She was was looking around for a familiar face, and pulling her cell phone out of her purse.
She did not recognize me, even though we had met the week before at the Yaffa Café on St. Mark's Street. It was at there at Yaffa that I had met one of the sweetest, kindest, and down-to-earth girls just a week before. Melanie was a very nice girl as well, and apparently not as skanky as the character she had portrayed in the production.
"No one is here yet," I said as I took a few steps toward her.
She looked at me with confusion and replied, "Who's not here yet?"
I smiled because I knew she was wondering who the hell I was. "The Cast."
It was like speaking the magic word because her whole demeanor changed and she shifted her weight from one leg to another, twirled her finger in her hair and asked, "Who are you?"
I smiled again, extended my hand and re-introduced myself. After explaining how we knew each other we found ourselves hiding from the rain under a nearby awning sharing a cigarette as she rehearsed a special thank you for Tami in Afrikaans. Something along the lines of, "Dankie vra organiseer dit..."
Soon afterwards the group had grown to quite a few more but still no Melissa. At first it was odd hanging out with people I barely knew, I felt like such an outsider, but they were so nice and warm to me. Halfway through dinner they had succeeded in making me feel welcome.
After dinner, we all headed out to Planet Rose on Avenue A and 14th Street. The karaoke bar did not have all us excited, but Melanie had somehow convinced everyone that we should go there.
About an hour or so later (when my ears were officially bleeding) is when things started gettin ugly. Well not ugly. It pains me to see my friends engage in self-destructive behavior so I was quite upset when Melissa began begging for a quarter to speak to he-who-shall-remain-nameless. I refused and she got upset and I left the bar and took a walk around the neighborhood.
The cold air felt good against my warm Barcardi-151 fueled flesh. I walked through Tompkins Park and found myself at Plan B. I had only $9 left and I debated whether I should eat something, have another drink, or buy a pack of cigarettes.
I put my lighter back in my pocket as I stepped out of the grocery store on the corner and let out a plume of smoke. Nicotine's a motherfucker, ain't it. I took another drag as I walked by the front of Plan B and said what's up to the door man and he invited me in. The people on line gave the kind of look that said they hated me because I knew someone. Well in this city the only way to be someone is to know someone.
I turned down his offer and headed back towards Avenue A still puffing on my cigarette and only now realizing that I was broke. I shrugged and kept walking, the cool mist hanging in the air wrapping around me.
Melissa was waiting out front, shouting my full name and rolling the R as long as she could. How long had she been looking for me? I walked up to her and stabilized her because I feared she may fall over, the way she was swaying back and forth. She smiled because she had found me and told me eveyone was wondering where I was. I didn't believe her.
Upon going back inside I was proven wrong. Everyone had been looking for me, and they shouted my name in unison as I came back into the lounge. Once again, they had all made me feel like a part of them.
We finally left the Karaoke place and headed back to Kingshead Tavern, which had been the root of all evil the week before (details). Well, not to be outdone by the previous week, Kingshead struck again. This time however I was actually dumbstruck by what I saw. Were they? They Were! Even Melanie was shocked. I wanted to leave. I wanted to leave and not look back.
So I tried. I bolted out the door and I had not taken but two steps before I heard my name called out. It was her... No... not her. I spun around attempting to feign innocence.
"You weren't leaving were you?" Tami asked with a look of concern.
I didn't want to lie. How could I tell her I was running though? How could I explain why? I didn't want to. I couldn't possibly. So I lied.
"No," I told her, "I was just gonna grab something to eat." I thanked God no one knew I was broke.
The rest of the night was tough. I sat on top of a speaker away from everyone and just kept to myself. Melissa had gone home before my whole escape attempt. Here I was alienating myself from the very people who had tried so hard to make me feel welcome. I felt like a fool. I was a fool. A fool with no money, chewing on ice. I chewed my ice until it was all gone. Then I got myself another glass of ice water. I drank it and chewed that ice as well.
As we left that bar once it had closed, she invited to go to the diner with them. I walked along with them, each of us with our cigarettes in hand. Tami walked with Steven, Melanie with Ben (Steven's roomate). I walked alone.
Once again I thought of running, but I did not entertain the idea much. I had more ice water at the diner, since I had "eaten" earlier. I was pleased to learn Steven was broke as well. He had water as well.
Tami kept leaning on me and telling me how smart I was. How much of a good friend I was. Though she may have meant it the words were empty to me after what I had witnessed at the bar. I don't rememeber why, but she told me she loved me. It was a friendly "I love you", of course, but the words pierced me nonetheless. I remembered that there are no roses without thorns. Sometimes beautiful things hurt. Sometimes when you want to pick a rose from the bush you'll get pricked by thorns. Well the prick, I mean thorn was sitting across from me sipping on it's water. The rose leaned against me resting from her long night out.
The rose left and I may never see it again. But the thorn wants to chill he says. Oh well, I guess I'll chill with him. He wasn't a bad guy, he just got the rose I wanted, even if only for a moment. I descended the steps into the subway and headed back home. Tomorrow's a new day. The sun was rising.
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I turned the corner on First Avenue and headed north towards Sixth Street. I don't like the rain much, but even the rain could not put a damper on my night out in Manhattan. I love being in Manhattan, something about the hustle and bustle, the magnitude of it all, the diversity... I love it.
I was to meet up with Melissa, Cheryl, and the cast from "Aloha, Say All The Pretty Girls" at an Indian Restaurant between 5th and 6th. There were three restaurants literally on top of each other. Which one could it be?
A short Indian man in a suit an tie wearing a grey cabbie hat approached me and insisted I enter the restaurant named Royal. After politely informing him that I was waiting to rendez-vous with some friends of mine, he persisted to insist, and I found myself having to resist introducing him to my fist. I walked a few feet away and recognized Melanie, one of Melissa's friends approaching. She was was looking around for a familiar face, and pulling her cell phone out of her purse.
She did not recognize me, even though we had met the week before at the Yaffa Café on St. Mark's Street. It was at there at Yaffa that I had met one of the sweetest, kindest, and down-to-earth girls just a week before. Melanie was a very nice girl as well, and apparently not as skanky as the character she had portrayed in the production.
"No one is here yet," I said as I took a few steps toward her.
She looked at me with confusion and replied, "Who's not here yet?"
I smiled because I knew she was wondering who the hell I was. "The Cast."
It was like speaking the magic word because her whole demeanor changed and she shifted her weight from one leg to another, twirled her finger in her hair and asked, "Who are you?"
I smiled again, extended my hand and re-introduced myself. After explaining how we knew each other we found ourselves hiding from the rain under a nearby awning sharing a cigarette as she rehearsed a special thank you for Tami in Afrikaans. Something along the lines of, "Dankie vra organiseer dit..."
Soon afterwards the group had grown to quite a few more but still no Melissa. At first it was odd hanging out with people I barely knew, I felt like such an outsider, but they were so nice and warm to me. Halfway through dinner they had succeeded in making me feel welcome.
After dinner, we all headed out to Planet Rose on Avenue A and 14th Street. The karaoke bar did not have all us excited, but Melanie had somehow convinced everyone that we should go there.
About an hour or so later (when my ears were officially bleeding) is when things started gettin ugly. Well not ugly. It pains me to see my friends engage in self-destructive behavior so I was quite upset when Melissa began begging for a quarter to speak to he-who-shall-remain-nameless. I refused and she got upset and I left the bar and took a walk around the neighborhood.
The cold air felt good against my warm Barcardi-151 fueled flesh. I walked through Tompkins Park and found myself at Plan B. I had only $9 left and I debated whether I should eat something, have another drink, or buy a pack of cigarettes.
I put my lighter back in my pocket as I stepped out of the grocery store on the corner and let out a plume of smoke. Nicotine's a motherfucker, ain't it. I took another drag as I walked by the front of Plan B and said what's up to the door man and he invited me in. The people on line gave the kind of look that said they hated me because I knew someone. Well in this city the only way to be someone is to know someone.
I turned down his offer and headed back towards Avenue A still puffing on my cigarette and only now realizing that I was broke. I shrugged and kept walking, the cool mist hanging in the air wrapping around me.
Melissa was waiting out front, shouting my full name and rolling the R as long as she could. How long had she been looking for me? I walked up to her and stabilized her because I feared she may fall over, the way she was swaying back and forth. She smiled because she had found me and told me eveyone was wondering where I was. I didn't believe her.
Upon going back inside I was proven wrong. Everyone had been looking for me, and they shouted my name in unison as I came back into the lounge. Once again, they had all made me feel like a part of them.
We finally left the Karaoke place and headed back to Kingshead Tavern, which had been the root of all evil the week before (details). Well, not to be outdone by the previous week, Kingshead struck again. This time however I was actually dumbstruck by what I saw. Were they? They Were! Even Melanie was shocked. I wanted to leave. I wanted to leave and not look back.
So I tried. I bolted out the door and I had not taken but two steps before I heard my name called out. It was her... No... not her. I spun around attempting to feign innocence.
"You weren't leaving were you?" Tami asked with a look of concern.
I didn't want to lie. How could I tell her I was running though? How could I explain why? I didn't want to. I couldn't possibly. So I lied.
"No," I told her, "I was just gonna grab something to eat." I thanked God no one knew I was broke.
The rest of the night was tough. I sat on top of a speaker away from everyone and just kept to myself. Melissa had gone home before my whole escape attempt. Here I was alienating myself from the very people who had tried so hard to make me feel welcome. I felt like a fool. I was a fool. A fool with no money, chewing on ice. I chewed my ice until it was all gone. Then I got myself another glass of ice water. I drank it and chewed that ice as well.
As we left that bar once it had closed, she invited to go to the diner with them. I walked along with them, each of us with our cigarettes in hand. Tami walked with Steven, Melanie with Ben (Steven's roomate). I walked alone.
Once again I thought of running, but I did not entertain the idea much. I had more ice water at the diner, since I had "eaten" earlier. I was pleased to learn Steven was broke as well. He had water as well.
Tami kept leaning on me and telling me how smart I was. How much of a good friend I was. Though she may have meant it the words were empty to me after what I had witnessed at the bar. I don't rememeber why, but she told me she loved me. It was a friendly "I love you", of course, but the words pierced me nonetheless. I remembered that there are no roses without thorns. Sometimes beautiful things hurt. Sometimes when you want to pick a rose from the bush you'll get pricked by thorns. Well the prick, I mean thorn was sitting across from me sipping on it's water. The rose leaned against me resting from her long night out.
The rose left and I may never see it again. But the thorn wants to chill he says. Oh well, I guess I'll chill with him. He wasn't a bad guy, he just got the rose I wanted, even if only for a moment. I descended the steps into the subway and headed back home. Tomorrow's a new day. The sun was rising.
Rain, Cigarettes, Ice, and Roses posted @ 2:42 PM :: 
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